Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Spiritual Battle

I don't usually dream... well, I don't usually dream dreams that I remember when I wake up... I VERY rarely, if ever, have nightmares... I really can't remember the last time that I did...

But last night, I had a terrifying nightmare about demon oppression. I don't remember the whole thing, but the main part I remember is that I was talking on the phone with my grandmother, Mom-Maw, and in the middle of our conversation I began feeling extremely uneasy, oppressed, and afraid. I cut into the conversation and just told her she had to pray with me. We began praying at the same time, and all I know is that I was repeating things such as, "In the name of Jesus Christ you are NOT welcome here and you MUST leave. God, I ask that you remove any unclean spirits that are here in this place, and bind them away from here. Please allow the Holy Spirit to be here, and, Lord, please just protect your children in this place." I kept just praying those things over and over and I remember in one instant I felt a HUGE chill-like shaking thing happening to my body, and then it just stopped. Then my dream flipped over to me staring into a medicine cabinet mirror and realizing that about 6 of my front teeth were being moved around and falling out of my mouth. It didnt really hurt, but I was watching my teeth come loose from my gums and I had no way to stop it. For some reason, in my dream I knew that it had something to do with the demon... I don't really understand why I would know/think that now...

Anyways... such a terrible dream. It felt so real... I have only had one experience similar to the oppression part of the dream and it was almost exactly a year ago.

I did come to a realization a few weeks ago, however. I have told some of my close friends about this already... When I had the encounter/experience/whatever you want to call it, about a year ago, it was during a time that the Lord really had my attention. I was studying and praying in a genuine, desperate way that just made my soul feel so close to the Lord. I can't really explain it. After it happened (this was not something that I did on purpose...it just happened), I can see now that my relationship with the Lord began to suffer. Whatever Satan's reasoning for the attack, I would NOT be surprised if it were to discourage my chasing after the Lord with such fervor as I was, because that is exactly what happened. I realize now, looking back, that after that happened, I would get to a certain point in my studying and in my prayers, etc, and then i would just coast for a while... I would never dig in past a certain point... I did not see this then, but I see it so clearly now. I was afraid, subconsciously, I think, to dig in any deeper because I was terrified that something like that would happen again. For the past few weeks (since i realized this), I have been making it a point to go past my comfort level in this sense. That may seem silly, but I can tell when I am being honest and raw with the Lord in my heart, and when I am that way... I get a little frightened... but I am pushing past that right now in my pursuit of the Lord because I am sick of being frightened of something that is less powerful than my God. That is just silly.
Along the same lines as this, something that I have recently been struggling with is speaking about these things and about my walk with the Lord with people and even with writing these things in my journal or blog or anything... I know that Satan and his demons cannot read my thoughts, so I almost feel as if they are safe if i keep them inside... I have been struggling with keeping them there just so that he cannot access my innermost thoughts... However, as I type this out, I am realizing that that is simply one more way that gives him power over me. It just signifies that I fear him and whatever he may do with those thoughts. So, here they are. I'm laying them out. They are no longer only in my head, safe from whatever I think they are safe from there...
I want to believe with my ACTIONS, not only my words, that the Lord is more mighty than anyone or anything else. It means nothing if I say these things and still keep things inside from fear of an inferior being...

So... here we go... another day in which to make it a point to press into the Lord regardless of my flesh (fear).

He IS better, and He IS mighty to save. Amen.

1 comment:

michelle de mexico said...

matthew 10:28-29

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.

God is the only one deserving of our fear. but we don't need to fear Him bc He loves us and takes care of us. glad to have found your blogspot :)