Tuesday, May 4, 2010

When All You Need is Dr. Mario

What goes on inside my brain would be hard to describe. I'll try, though, however, if you'd like to read something more interesting, I recommend www.relevantmagazine.com, becasue they always have interesting articles. For those of you who are from the DFW area, I'll put it like this: take the intersection of I-635 & 75, Woodall Rogers and I-35 near the AAC, and any road in Denton and pretend they all exist on top of each other. That's my brain. I would like to come to a conclusion, speak a well-crafted sentence, maybe even stop drooling, but I can't. It's a traffic jam, and I'm not even in school anymore. What can I do to clear this up? I think there are several things that I could do. I could stop caring about a lot of ancillary things. I could condition myself to filter out all things that don't improve the relationships in my life I care about, or I could stop talking so that I'd have time to think, arrange, and delete the thoughts I need/don't need.

OR I could wait patiently for the Lord to answer my prayer for patience and the never ending river of lava in my soul to cool. Yes, I have lava in my blood. It courses through me. Most people would call it anger but I call it lava...lava blood. The worst part is that when I'm pressed, squeezed, put on the defense, I start gushing. The aftermath of the eruption is nothing good. You see, when the book of James says that when sin is conceived it gives birth to death is true. If someone doesn't believe in God they should come hang out with me, because my lack of ability to be kind and loving would prove to these people that sin does run it's little old feet over to death and high-five it. And then there I am just chilling, going, "Well, I guess I'll go workout and be grouchy." What a tired game that is. At what point does the open-heart surgery come that I really need? When does the Dr. Mario-esque healing come? So many questions to be answered. However, if I were to step outside of myself and look at myself, I'd probably say something to the effect of, "Are you praying about this? How can I tell you're serious about squashing your sin? If you really are serious, why aren't you on your knees right now?"

Aren't those the questions I could be asking? Probably. I don't want to wreck my household and as we all know from both Tommy Lee Jones and Pierce Brosnan, volcanoes are no laughing matter and lava really does jack stuff up.

I can't end on a funny note. This is a real struggle for me. Impatience and anger. I really need help.

1 comment:

The Irwins said...

Your raw honesty is refreshing. You know we all love you and will walk through even lava to pray with you and live life with you ;)